I absolutely love this conversation! It is one that I have had over a million times when I was a single lady (which I am happily no longer)- but I continue to have the same conversations with many of my single 30-something friends.
There are a few questions as an ever-increasing older woman, especially when you hit your 30’s- that you cannot escape being. You feel like the questions come to you like a missile, straight to your heart, twisting and turning until they penetrate the core! Sounds harsh doesn’t it?. The questions come when you expect it, and when you least expect it, and often centre around “Why are you single?” “When are you going to get married?” “When will you start having children?” Nag, nag, nag! Blah, blah, blah! Yawn, yawn, yawn!!
I’m sure men get it, but there’s an immense pressure on women, especially when you approach your 30’s when you become even more aware of the loud tick-tock of the biological clock!
Society, family and friends all frequently want you to be prosperous in education, work and so on, but then all that seems miniscule when it comes to you having a husband and settling down to create a family. It seems these days, women are expected to have it all- the looks, the career, the husband and the 2.4 children with the mortgage and the dog- all being the markers of modern-day success.
Bar women who want to remain single forever (although I’m not sure how large that percentage truly is mind you), I can imagine many women do want to eventually meet that ‘special one’ and have children, but without having to feel guilty about it not actually happening at the time society predicts is the ‘right time’ for a woman, despite their efforts. But it seams easy for your family/friends to make swift and throw-away comments to you as if it is not clearly what you also want and is if you do it to yourself on purpose! Talk about making you feel inadequate!
Women do huddle together and give each other support, because that’s what good friends do. But what about the ones that don’t? The ones that sit smugly with their loved-ones as they now only go out “couples only’. Even women with children can be consciously or subconsciously excluding of their single friends as they opt to increase their socialization with women/families in the same position as themselves.
However on the flip-side of this, isn’t this a natural progression? Women also need support and gain it from being around people in similar situations as themselves. And if a single woman then enters a new relationship status, it is inevitable that they will themselves spend more time with their other-half, dating, getting to know each other, going away on holidays and rubbing shoulders with their respective families and friends, which ultimately may mean that their relationship with their single friends also subsequently change (interestingly into the same ways they probably swore that they would themselves never do but, but when the shoe is on the other foot…) I guess it can be a win/lose situation in many aspects.
So you can imagine, for many single women out there, it can be quite tough. You may feel pressure internally and externally and it can be quite a depressing and lonely place.
However if you have self-belief and a good head on your shoulders- you should continue to ‘do you’ and enjoy your life to the maximum, as things often happen to people when they least expect it. Don’t live your live constantly in ‘anticipation’ as this can be self destructive and unhealthy. I’m sure you’ve seen and heard of friends who were single one minute sharing in your misery, and the next minute, they’ve found the love of their lives! Just don’t give up on yourself.
Try not to focus on what you don’t have, but more on what you do have and work on enhancing and expanding this so you can be the best that you can be!